Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
