I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is the high leading the old right now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
