She said her name was "party"
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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