I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
