just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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