if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
