i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think people are normalizing furries
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
