it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i've created a new STD.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
