well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
