Your tits are I can't wait for
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
