So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In other news, I just burned my penis
be right there i have to get my cape
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
