I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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