dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize