i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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