so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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