I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
