Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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