C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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