I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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