Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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