I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
