you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize