she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
