You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
