Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize