hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
