i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
