...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
