I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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