i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
