it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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