i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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