I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
