i don't like sucking hair
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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