I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
