Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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