Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
