Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just cropdusted the office
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
