This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
