ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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