Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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