He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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