jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
