I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
