i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
