you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
