Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
