my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
