I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize