Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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