apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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