my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
