I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
