Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
