living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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