If you die in college, do you die in real life?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
