worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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