we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
