You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize