not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
