oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
