I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
