I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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