she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
