I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
