Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
