The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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