Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
