I'm so fucking centered right now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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