Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
