Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
