how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
