Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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