That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
