Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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