one two three fourrrrnication!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
